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Firming Up (R) 10/26/2004
One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his
wife and pinched her on her butt and said, "You know
if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle."
While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought herself
better and replied with silence.
The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the
breast and said, "You know if you firmed these up we
could get rid ...
0 Comments, 39 Views,
9 Votes
,6.42 Score
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code word for sex 10/25/2004
A husband and a wife decided they needed to use "code"
to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting
their in on it.They decided on the word typewriter.
One day the husband told his five years old "Go
tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter."
The told her mother what her dad said.And her mom responded"Tell
your dad that he cant type a letter right now becoz theres ...
0 Comments, 51 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
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Falling for a dentist 10/25/2004
Laura fell for her new handsome dentist like a ton of bricks
and pretty soon had lured him into a series of passoionate
and rendezvous in the dental clinic after hours.
But one day he said sadly, "Laura, honey we have
to stop seeing each other.Your husband is bound to get suspicious."
"No way.sweetie, he's dumb as a post", she
assured him.Besides, ,we've been meeting here for
six months ...
0 Comments, 40 Views,
7 Votes
,2.28 Score
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Liver and cheese 10/25/2004
The Taco Bell chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in
a doggie bar having drinks when a good lookin female Collie
come up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and
cheese in a sentence, can have me."
So the Doberman says, " I love liver and cheese, "
"Thats not good enough." the Collie says.
The Bulldog says, " I hate liver and cheese".She
says, " Thats not creative"
Finally with ...
0 Comments, 30 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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gloves,,, 10/24/2004
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his girlfriend's
birthday and as they had not been dating for very long he
decided after careful consideration that a pair of gloves
would strike the right note, thoughtful but not too personal.
<br>
Accompanied by his girlfriend's sister he went to
Harrods and bought a dainty pair of white gloves. The sister
purchased a pair of panties for ...
0 Comments, 23 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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PINOY NA PINTOR 10/24/2004
Matagal nang naghahanap ng trabaho yung bagong saltang
Pinoy. Nakakita siya ng posibilidad sa "Help Wanted"
section ng Classified Ads.
<br>
"Wanted - Painter of Porch". Aba!, sabi nung
Pinoy sa sarili... OK ito! Sa Pilipinas, e marami na akong
pininta; yung libingan ng lolo ko, yung pader ng lumang
bahay namin, yung kulungan ng mga baboy ng tiyo ko - pwede
palagay ko ako rito!
...
0 Comments, 26 Views,
7 Votes
,6.10 Score
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DALAWANG TANGA 10/24/2004
Nag-aaway ang dalawang tanga.
Kulas: Ano ba ang gusto mo? Away o gulo?
Tomas: Away na lang para walang gulo.
<br>
Bambi, smile ka naman. Love yah, muahh...Jing
0 Comments, 28 Views,
5 Votes
,4.77 Score
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LEARN JAPANESE 10/24/2004
1) Is this your underwear? Jakimoto?
2) Are you regular customer? Sukikaba?
0 Comments, 37 Views,
3 Votes
,4.90 Score
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GATAS NG BABAE 10/24/2004
1. Dalagita - Fresh Milk
2. Dalaga - Pasteurized
3. Bagong kasal - Skimmed Milk
4. Matagal ng kasal - Yogurt
5. Matandang dalaga - Taho
6. Lola - Tokwa
<br>
Tawa naman jan......Jing/Noel
0 Comments, 29 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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PUTO 10/24/2004
Sa airport canteen umorder ang isang amerikano.
Amerikano: Miss give me one few two.
Tindera: What, Sir?
Amerikano: I said one few two.
Tindera: Oh, Puto!
Amerikano: Yeah, that's right!
<br>
(Sa loob-loob ng tindera, Tanga! Puto lang, pino-few two
few two pa! Gagantihan ko siya)
Tindera: Okey, Sir. What color do you like? few la or few
ti?
0 Comments, 34 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
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AFTER THE MASS 10/24/2004
After the Mass:
Dad: Walang kabuhay-buhay ang homily.
Mom: Mali-Mali ang Organist!
Sister: Sintunado ang choir.
Bunso: Ano ba kayo, ano expect nyo...PISO lang naman offering
nyo!
0 Comments, 21 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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OPERASYON NG ULO 10/24/2004
Sa isang ospital, pagkatapos ng operasyon.
Pasyente: Dok, bakit ganito ang operasyon sa ulo? Halos
kita na ang utak ko?
Dok: Okey yan, at least open-minded ka na ngayon.
0 Comments, 29 Views,
4 Votes
,4.80 Score
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SHARING A MEAL 10/24/2004
The little old couple walked slowly into McDonalds that
cold winter evening. They looked out of place amid the young
families and young couples eating there that night. Some
of the customers looked
admiringly at them. You could tell what the admirers were
thinking.
<br>
"Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot
together, probably for 60 years or more!"
<br>
...
0 Comments, 21 Views,
7 Votes
,5.33 Score
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WHY MEN ARE NOT SECRETARIES 10/24/2004
Husband's note on the refrigerator to his wife:
<br>
"Doctor's office called: Said Pabst beer is
normal"
0 Comments, 17 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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IT'S GREAT TO BE A MAN 10/24/2004
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this
one's just too icky.
Same work . . . more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding Dress $2000; ...
0 Comments, 51 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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ONLY IN THE PHILIPPINES 10/24/2004
Along a highway in Pampanga:
"WE MAKE MODERN ANTIQUE FURNITURE"
<br>
On a self-service restaurant in Cebu:
"PLEASE HELP OUR COMFORT ROOM CLEAN"
<br>
In a Baguio grocery:
"FRESH FROZEN CHICKEN SOLD HERE"
<br>
In Cubao:
"NONE ID NOTHING ENTRY"
<br>
Along Luneta Boulevard:
"BAWAL TUMAE SA BULEVARD"
<br>
On Jeepney and Bus signs:
"BEFORE ...
0 Comments, 28 Views,
7 Votes
,5.84 Score
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SPECIMEN CHECK-UP 10/24/2004
Doc to old patient: I need sample of your urine, stool semen.
Old man to wife: Ano daw ang kailangan niya?
Wife: Ibigay mo na lang ang brief mo!
0 Comments, 76 Views,
5 Votes
,5.75 Score
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TANGA SA SABUNGAN 10/24/2004
Paano nyo malalaman na may taong tanga na pumasok sa sabungan
(cockpit arena)?
1. kapag may dalang pato (duck)
2. kapag-inilaban ang pato
3. kapag may lumaban sa pato
4. kapag may pumusta sa pato
5. pang huli, kapag nanalo ang pato...derby pa
0 Comments, 25 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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FAITH HEALER 10/24/2004
Old man: Can you give me an e-rection?
Faith Healer: I can make the blind see, make the lame walk
and I can even cure cancer.
But, I'm sorry I cannot raise the "dead".
0 Comments, 23 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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MGA ARAL KINA INAY AT ITAY 10/24/2004
TANDANG TANDA NAMIN NI KUYA ANG SAYA AT LUMBAY SA PODER NILA
INAY AT ITAY...LALO NA ANG MGA MAGAGANDANG LEKSYON NA NATUTUNAN
NAMIN SA KANILA!
<br>
1. Si Inay, tinuruan niya ako ng HOW TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL
DONE.
"Kung kayong dalawa ay magpapatayan, doon kayo sa
labas. Mga punyeta kayo, kalilinis ko lang ng bahay."
<br>
2. Natuto ako ng RELIGION kay Itay.
"Kapag yang ...
0 Comments, 30 Views,
9 Votes
,5.78 Score
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RANSOM 10/24/2004
Tanong: Bakit Intsik and kinidnap at hindi Bombay?
Sagot: Siyempre, kasi kung Bombay, pati ransom hulugan.
0 Comments, 20 Views,
5 Votes
,5.43 Score
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2 PMA CADETS 10/24/2004
Cadet 1: Pare, may balitang may bading dito sa dorm natin.
Cadet 2: ha! E sino 'yon?
Cadet 1: Sasabihin ko sa'yo, pero KISS muna.
0 Comments, 22 Views,
6 Votes
,3.93 Score
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CONFESSION 10/24/2004
Inside the Church while a man is confessing:
Priest: What is your sin ?
Man: I am depressed Father. My is a drug addict. My
is a , and my wife is a gambler.
Priest: Disastrous! Is there anything positive in your
life?
Man: Yes! my AIDS test!
0 Comments, 46 Views,
8 Votes
,4.64 Score
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Women 10/23/2004
Question:What do women and tiles have in common?
Answer: If you lay them right the first time, you can walk
all over them forever.
0 Comments, 39 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
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WOMEN'S PROBLEMS 10/23/2004
- MEN tal illness
- MEN strual cramps
- MEN tal breakdown
- MEN opause
- GUY necologist
- And when we have real trouble, it's a.....HIS terectomy.
Ever notice how all of women's problems start with
men?
0 Comments, 23 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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WHOSE PROPERTY 10/23/2004
A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody
of their posed a problem.
<br>
The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge
that since she brought the into this world, she
should retain custody of them.
<br>
The man also wanted custody of his , so the judge
asked for his justification. After a long silence, the
man slowly rose from his chair ...
0 Comments, 35 Views,
6 Votes
,4.79 Score
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10 THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND 10/23/2004
10. Why it's good to have five pairs of black shoes.
9. The difference between cream, ivory, and off-white.
8. Crying can be fun.
7. Fat Clothes.
6. A salad, diet drink, and a hot fudge sundae make a balanced
lunch.
5. Discovering a designer dress on the clearance rack can
be considered a peak life experience.
4. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
3. A good man might ...
0 Comments, 39 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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Gay jokes 10/23/2004
Three male ducks went into the court.The judge called the
first one to the stand.
"Whats your name?" he asked.
"Quack." the duck asnswered.
"And why were you arrested?"the judge asked.
"I was blowing bubbles, "he answered.
The judge didnt see anything wrong with that so he dismissed
the duck and called up the next one.
"Whats your name?" he asked.
"Quack", the duck asnwered.
"Why ...
0 Comments, 79 Views,
7 Votes
,2.53 Score
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MEN 10/23/2004
Men are like ........Laxatives ....... They irritate
the sh ! t; out of you. Men are like ......... Bananas ......
The older they get, the less firm they are. Men are like ..........
Vacations ...... They never seem to be long enough. Men
are like ......... Weather ...... Nothing can be done to
change them. Men are like .......... Blenders ...... You
need One, but you're not quite sure why. ...
0 Comments, 30 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
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a dumb blonde,,, 10/23/2004
A blonde goes into a telegram office to send a message to
her mother
who is visiting relatives overseas. The man tells her it
will be
$300. She exclaims, "I don't have any money,
but I would do ANYTHING
to get a message to my mother!"
To that the man asks, "Anything?"
And the blonde says, "Yes, anything!"
With that, the man says, "Follow me."
He takes her into the next room and ...
0 Comments, 30 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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