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| Blogs > theta2011 > Elusive Love |
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Eros and Thanatos Friends would ask 'how's life being single? Non complacently, I will reply, "living like an automaton, moving on in an undetermined direction, getting by aimlessly." That was the case up until a year ago. My father was diagnosed of the big C (colon cancer). Around christmastime last year, he had been in the hospital for blood transfusion in preparation for his 3rd operation. He was discharged Dec.24 to spend his last christmas with us for he died Dec. 28. We were actually informed by his doctor of his worsening condition and to prepare for the worst. In all of the confusions, fears and worries of losing my father, I forgot my own dilemma. Twas my first xmas without a husband (11mos. separated prior) I mourned for my father. I missed him for quite sometime. Gradually, the pain's vanished. What's left is an empty space in my life filled with loving memories. I had a father for 40yrs, half of that time - I had a man I chose for a husband. I lost them both. One in death, one in life. Either way, they've caused me great pains. Time's the best healer, I've come to accept gracefully, the raw wounds healed. A pattern of constant evolution of everything in life: Love - Losing - Pain - Acceptance. So, if you will ask me now, how's life being single? Truthfully, it doesn't matter anyhow whether I'm alone or with someone. I'm LIVING...and I will take pleasure and enjoy every moment on earth........ till I come knocking on death's door. 
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Sis, Just wrote a similar blog to this one just now. Yup, after my divorce Christmas wasn't a joyful time. Because it made me realize how life can be so cruel. But we all go on for the sake of our kids. No amount of tears they saw on my face that time. I always seem to hide and not celebrate it anymore. Being totally alone... Have a great day  Greatest feelings in the world when two souls profess a love for each other...
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12/15/2011 6:20 am |
Thet, first of all, I empathize with you. Somehow, there is a great parallelism in our lives. I lost my father in 1994, the same year that my marriage to Mark's son was annulled. The only difference is that you grew up with your father, while I didn't. My parents separated when I was just 6 years old. I thought, I inherited the "broken family" curse. Being the baby in the family, I'm the only one who's a single mom. But you know what? There is so much "strength" derived from every excruciating pain, otherwise, we would have not endured it. It took sometime for me to digest all these, but I LIVED, I AM LIVING, and will continue to LIVE. Any type of loss in our lives doesn't mean our DEATH...ALways remember that. When our significant others leave us, we become stagnant in one place for a while, but please choose the CENTER, because that's the place where BALANCE occurs. Don't be at the edge or corners, because those are the areas where we are most vulnerable to either fall or get hit and run-over. When things get better, each day (do not anticipate things to be A-okay instantly, coz that will add up to your frustrations), then, slowly pick up where you left off. Always remember that you can be JOYFULLY SINGLE or MISERABLY partnered. That's my analogy, and that should be your inspiration...Have a great day!  Just call me ELZ 
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12/16/2011 12:26 am |
It´s not the times we`re down but the times we get up, that matters at the end... Life is a continuous battle...pause a little...cry a little..but still pick up the sword, God never leave us alone  , Grace
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So many great ladies, so little time left, sigh. You're on the right track, Theta, keep going .I'm a senior citizen . Don't expect me to remember anything 
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Times like these, I hold on to what I believe is a greatest armor: MY OWN SELF ..It's all a part of my being, of my life here on earth, my lessons. Everything will come to pass and so's life. Enjoy it while we can, right! Thanks for the kindest words sir.
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Sis, Just wrote a similar blog to this one just now. Yup, after my divorce Christmas wasn't a joyful time. Because it made me realize how life can be so cruel. But we all go on for the sake of our kids. No amount of tears they saw on my face that time. I always seem to hide and not celebrate it anymore. Being totally alone... Have a great day We're so much alike (in love's experiences)..We keep a very strong front for those we love esp. the kids, shielding them for the unpleasantness of facing difficulties, blocking the pains. If only I can carry their burdens till the end, I will - gladly. But you're not alone sis. There are friends, families and your kids who'll be there for you. Lovelife or no lovelife, it's still a blessed christmas for me and you. Have a great one. 
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Thet, first of all, I empathize with you. Somehow, there is a great parallelism in our lives. I lost my father in 1994, the same year that my marriage to Mark's son was annulled. The only difference is that you grew up with your father, while I didn't. My parents separated when I was just 6 years old. I thought, I inherited the "broken family" curse. Being the baby in the family, I'm the only one who's a single mom. But you know what? There is so much "strength" derived from every excruciating pain, otherwise, we would have not endured it. It took sometime for me to digest all these, but I LIVED, I AM LIVING, and will continue to LIVE. Any type of loss in our lives doesn't mean our DEATH...ALways remember that. When our significant others leave us, we become stagnant in one place for a while, but please choose the CENTER, because that's the place where BALANCE occurs. Don't be at the edge or corners, because those are the areas where we are most vulnerable to either fall or get hit and run-over. When things get better, each day (do not anticipate things to be A-okay instantly, coz that will add up to your frustrations), then, slowly pick up where you left off. Always remember that you can be JOYFULLY SINGLE or MISERABLY partnered. That's my analogy, and that should be your inspiration...Have a great day! I am truly inspired by what you've said. You're a very strong woman ELZ. At first, I' asked myself if I can go through life being alone, with kids in tow. Such a horrible feeling of helplessness, left alone in the dark with just a tiny bit of courage. The kids hold my hands as if giving me their own strength, that showed me the way. I've learned to be independent gradually, not a smooth ride but enjoyed nonetheless. I had yoga classes in Sunset Blvd. One of the yogi - a fifty-ish female Sri lankan with the body of a 30yr old, constantly told me that I had trouble finding my center and balance because I can never let go of my "bottled emotions." Apparently, I don't cry or laugh hard enough to release, just the pretext. Oh well, I cried and laughed hard lately, think I'll pass my yoga exams now  Very inspiring, thanks very much. Take good care
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Tajane, Life is like a big stage and we're all players expected to perform our best. Like a big game out to play in the biggest field ever. However we play the game or act our part, one thing is for certain - we have a common goal. Whatever hindrances, for there will always be, we need to WIN.. The joys of living is how well we overcome problems and difficult situations and learning along the way. Making us better and stronger preparing ourselves for bigger blows. Love life and all the addies that goes with it. Thanks sis for sharing.
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It´s not the times we`re down but the times we get up, that matters at the end... Life is a continuous battle...pause a little...cry a little..but still pick up the sword, God never leave us alone , GraceLife won't always be smooth sailing for there will be battles till the end. So true, we can't just sit and cower, we have to fight and emerge victorious. In the end its not the feeling of winning that's important, it's the manner of how we won..regardless of cuts and bruises. Thanks sis. Ingat!
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So many great ladies, so little time left, sigh. You're on the right track, Theta, keep going .Why the sigh? You still have plenty of time. Come on, just enjoy life...and love. Forget the worries. Ingat
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12/18/2011 1:42 pm |
Inspiring Miss Theta. I love specially your last lines. Keep going you'll survive.    within each one of us, and let it begin with me (and each one of us)..one breath at a time.
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Inspiring Miss Theta. I love specially your last lines. Keep going you'll survive.  (thanks Gloria Gaynor). Enjoy! Life is beautiful.
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And I intend to stay as long as the world can have me. Have yourself a Blessed Christmas too sir! That a cake or a xmas tree for me? Thanks a lot, the greetings did it.
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